-by Ketika Kasetwar, Sep 2024

Right from an early age, I realized that for my daughter, the instructor is more important than the content. The process of learning is more significant than the goal. Initially, I used to only focus on the content of every ‘new’ class I signed her up for. But now, I make sure that I also know who the instructor will be. And then ensuring that my daughter spends some time, prior to beginning sessions, to build a rapport with them.

I remember when she was four, I enrolled her for a class that seemed like a good fit to support her interests in gymnastics. She was already learning basics at home on her own and cartwheeling across the cities that we were visiting across the country. The facility was one of the best in the city, safety was top-notch and had a good number of enrolments. We took the demo session, she approved and I enrolled her for the class. The first session went well, as the instructor was the same one from the demo. However, after the second class, she told me she didn’t want to go back. I was taken aback, confused and did not what could be the reason. I knew no accident or fights with other kids had taken place, because I was watching her all the time through a glass wall. The next day, she told me that she did not like how the instructor of the second session picked her up. She thought it might have been a one-time mistake, but when it happened again, she decided she didn’t want to return. So, she does not want to go there again, as she does not want to see that instructor again. When I spoke to the management, they were sceptical that a four-year-old could have such a strong opinion. I just walked away without taking a refund. And made a note to enquire about ALL instructors from next time.

It is a common belief, that once a child is enrolled in a class, they MUST listen to the instructor. And under the pretext of ‘’toughening’’ up a child, I have witnessed many parents step back instead of addressing concerns. We’ve walked away from several demos simply because of the way instructors treated the children. I completely understand that there needs to be a time when kids need to be encouraged and pushed, but that can be done gently using positive re-enforcements.

When it comes to gifted children, we parents need to work closely with the instructors to build the communication bridge. Instructors are often adults, who have their own style of instructing/teaching, which might not always align with how a child processes information. And I am not talking about language here. There have been multiple times when I had to intervene to help the instructor understand the way my child’s mind works, the way she makes meaning of words that may have different meaning for the instructor and the varying understanding of context while giving instructions.

A good example of this is a high-school-level course my daughter, accepted at age nine, was enrolled into last year. Relying on extensive research, the course was designed specifically for gifted children. I even interacted with ALL instructors before signing up, and my daughter instantly built a good rapport with all of them. The beginning and first few sessions were brilliant!! However, after a couple of weeks, I noticed a drop in interest. She was refusing to attend even once a week. She was fine with doing the assignments, work around them and keeping in touch with the community, but the class attendance was becoming an issue. When we attended the next session together, I understood the issue – the instruction delivery. And that’s when I had to intervene to help the instructors understand the way the instructions were being imparted was being understood differently by my daughter. The main issues were the tempo and speed of instructions, which were too slow for my child. And the need to type a lot, often at quick speeds. Unfortunately, they had not foreseen such a situation as they did not expect to have a 9 year old joining in. All that we needed was a session to agree that I help with all the typing, which freed her mind to actually do the creative thinking that was expected for the programme. And that too, for a couple of sessions to get her back on track. And then she completed the course without any further issue, happily and joyfully! Along with making friends from other countries.

Another recent example is when we had to deal with the commonly accepted misconception that an instructor needs to shout at kids to encourage them, a practice that is fearfully common these days. After a chance interaction of watching a new sport, my daughter wanted to learn it. She was super excited about joining the classes, especially since she was trying to overcome her fears about that sport in the past. On the third session, the instructor shouted saying that if she is scared of failing then she should not be pursuing those classes. I had to intervene and get the instructor changed. Which worked wonderfully for the next lot of sessions. However, when the internal structure of the facility and the way the tools were selected for each student changed, the classes started faltering. Upon intervention, I was told to let instructors do their job and I should not be interfering in their process. I understood that even though the instructors were one of the best, they were not able to become the instructors that my daughter needs. Though her interest for those classes remains, due to the change in the instructors and method of instructions, she moved to the next pursuit in her checklist. We will not drop the interest, but look out for other instructors to pursue it with. And the instructor of the next pursuit turned out to be such a brilliant one, that she now wants to put more efforts there. Even when she does not fully understand the language of instructions, learning a new language along the way!

I understood, that for my daughter the energy she receives from an instructor is far more important than the lessons themselves. Only when she gets positive vibes, she will start focusing on the actual learning.  This may be true for many children, but in case of gifted/high-ability kids, I know that this attuning to energy is far more advanced, acute and strong.