-by Deepti Sawant, Sep 2022

Parenting is such a beautiful journey. To be a child again with your baby, grow along with them, and learn the same things with different perspectives. Contrary viewpoints, perplexing suggestions, constant judgments, guilt of choosing self over child, and other such viewpoints, on the other hand, not only pressure you but can also make this journey difficult. Especially when one is raising a gifted child in India.

Undoubtedly, the upbringing of each child requires a special approach, and each parenting journey is different, unique, and special. Parenting a highly abled child has different characteristics than parenting other children. These highly able children often have significant variations within themselves and develop unevenly across skill levels. As parents, we are proud when our children meet their milestones on time, and we take great pleasure in sharing and understanding their creativity, talent, and intellect, as well as the range of possibilities available to them. But with joy comes concern, and with comfort comes challenges. The one challenge I faced was “asynchronous development.” Asynchronous development means a child may be excellent in one area but poor in another – or vice versa. For example, while intellectual skills in children are quite advanced, fine motor or social skills are lagging.

I have faced a lot of setbacks because of this, as I myself was not aware of it. I couldn’t comprehend the fact that my child, who is extremely creative and has a logical aspect to understanding things (until she is satisfied), can’t understand simple instructions. At the age of 10, she had the emotional maturity of a 15-year-old but had difficulty in performing simple tasks at the age of 8 years old. Despite her intellectual ability, she struggled with social interactions. Her emotional intensity and vulnerability were different as compared to her age. She was too sensitive to the environment and was easily overwhelmed by it. Often considered the smarter kid in her age group, she struggled to fit in social situations.

At the same time, as a typical Indian mother, I was more concerned with her academic achievements and considered her other accomplishments secondary. It could be because of societal pressure where only academically excellent child is considered successful and intelligent. It took some time for me to understand all this. to get over the expectations of society and not to look at my child through their lenses. The first mistake I made was to compare her to other children and expect her to be like them. Because of this, we had constant arguments and my child, who should have been most comfortable with me, was not.

My approach and behaviour changed when I learned of the characteristics of highly abled children. I could understand the indicators and help my child provide what she needed, not what others said and universally required. I encouraged her, comforted her, guided her to utilise her strengths, and love herself for what she is by creating an environment suitable for her abilities. The basic problem, I feel, is that many parents and teachers are not aware of these concepts. And unknowingly, everyone is treated in the same manner.

But there are many resources available to help us parents understand our children and their needs so we can cater to them accordingly to make this journey a joyful experience. Its just that we parents need to take that first step to continue the beautiful journey of raising our gifted children.