-by Ketika Kasetwar, July 2025

These questions hit me so often, whispered like a secret, or tossed in like an afterthought or just plain asked straightaway. And the big, shiny, slightly uncomfortable word in question?

“Gifted”

Do I tell my child they’re gifted? Or will it make them arrogant? Entitled? Lonely? Confused? Pressure-cooked?

Short answer: Yes, you should tell them.

Long answer: Yes, you should tell them… but how you tell them, when you tell them, and most importantly why you tell them, makes all the difference.

Why we hesitate to say it out loud

I get it. The word “gifted” comes with so much baggage. It can feel like you’re labelling them as “better than,” when all you really want is for them to feel understood, not isolated. You don’t want to build a pedestal. You just want to build a bridge.

But here’s the thing: if your child is gifted – truly, deeply wired differently – they already know they don’t fit. What they don’t know is why.

They may already feel “too much,” or “too intense,” or “too weird,” or just… “wrong.” Like they were dropped onto the wrong planet and everyone else seems to have the manual.

Telling them the truth, that their brain is wired differently, and that it comes with both sparkle and struggle, can feel like handing them that missing manual.

When and how to tell them

There’s no single “right” age. For some profoundly gifted kids, that might be at 6. For others, maybe 9 or 10 or later. The real clue is in their questions.

If they’re already wondering “Why am I like this?” – they are ready.

But don’t sit them down for a formal Announcement. This isn’t The Talk. (Well… okay, it is a talk, just not that one!)

Instead, weave it in gently. Catch them in a quiet moment. Share what you’ve observed. Tell them how their brain works, and what that means. Talk about the things they might find challenging (like making friends, feeling bored in school, being easily overwhelmed), and validate their experience. They are not broken. They are not alone.

A word of caution: It’s not a crown.

When you tell your child they’re gifted, make sure you’re not handing them a trophy.

This isn’t about being “better than”, it is about being different from.

Being gifted isn’t a badge of honour or a guarantee of success. It’s a kind of brain wiring that comes with as many complications as it does capabilities. It can mean a deep hunger for meaning, an intolerance for injustice, a sensitivity to sound or light or emotions, and a constant wrestling match between a sharp mind and a still-developing emotional maturity.

In other words: it’s not a golden ticket. It’s a map. A compass. A clue.

And sometimes… we don’t get it right.

I’ve heard stories of kids who were told too late, or too vaguely. Others who grew up feeling like there was something wrong with them. Some who took on the label and then collapsed under its weight.

I’ve even met adults who, upon finally learning they had been gifted all along, felt grief. Why didn’t anyone tell me? they ask. Why did I spend my whole life thinking I was just difficult or dramatic or disappointing?

So yes, let’s talk about it. But let’s talk with care.

Let’s explain that this is just one part of who they are, an important part, but not the whole story.

Let’s remind them: You’re not “gifted” to impress anyone. You’re gifted because this is the shape of your brain. And that shape deserves understanding, support, and celebration, not silence.

For those who read this blog till here, I’ll leave you with this:

Tell them. Not so they can feel proud. But so they can feel seen.

And tell them early, so they don’t spend decades feeling lost in their own mind, waiting for someone to finally turn the lights on.